The EPPP Prayer
Oh EPPP agony, thou hast made muppets of more clever
men than I.
Dangling the keys to salvation before our army of
starving soldiers
Hungry to conquer the territory of a golden age, we
reach ever so high
Awaiting the enveloped blessing from the standard
score satchel tossed across your shoulders.
Oh EPPP, you've made a monkey out of me, chanting
acronyms, rehearsing nonsense rhymes!
Will there ever come a day when I can finally say I
have finished this uphill climb?
Oh when all is said and done, will I be the only one
beneath the cutoff score?
Unemployed among the overjoyed, bitter and confused,
battered and abused, but coming back for more?
Oh dear EPPP -- Don't wave your wrath upon us, Don't
increase your fees a-gain!
Don't leave us pennyless to wash the feet of the
Computer Stewardess in shame.
Let us walk proud, with a dollar in our shroud, and
your tapes blaring in our ears
Cast off that evil grin, the multiple choiced sin, and
let us contemplate our fears
The sorcerers of the soul are we, a legion of mindful
men, we will not rest until we reach our fated 140 shore
Keep in mind theories of Vygotsky and Bersheid, never
forget what the Globus Pallidus is for
When in doubt choose "C," take the post-test
times three, but if you fail don't blame me
Because as you may tell, I too am among you in EPPP
hell, clawing my own way out of this bloodied well
Join hands, good friends, and let us go forward until
the end
Memorize the little lies until it flashes from your
eyes -- then behold the golden prize
Oh EPPP -- you may torture my friends and me, but you
shall not keep us captive indefinitely.
Each of us will succeed, faces brazed but glasses
raised,
and in triumph raise the plaque of licensee!
Good Luck! Go
Forth! -- Perry Staltaro
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